A Confession About Scribbles

In case you didn't know, my art process is slowww. I keep thinking that I am suffering from a creative block, and that I'll become more prolific once I overcome said block. However, I've been trying to master my process for over a decade and a half, and so far, um, still "blocked"! I'm starting to think that for me, personally, art just doesn't work that way. My inner painter does what she wants, when she wants, and however she wants it done!

Any form of discipline or schedule causes my inspiration to flee almost instantly. Seriously, I've tried. Oh lord, have I tried. I love reading about drawing or sketching every day, working out a system to create a sketches of a finished piece, then following through the blueprint to get to a beautiful finished work of art. I get rather excited when I hear about a discipline of painting for even a few minutes per day. But deep down, I know there's very little I can do to control my painting.

I believe that my painting practice is an act of faith. I show up to a blank sheet of paper or palette, dive in, and hope that something comes out that fills my heart with joy, and is possibly something nice to look at - but that would be a bonus. Many days, most days, it is just scribbles. I'm not kidding. Scribbles that look like I was wondering if my pen was running out of ink, then realized that I'm drawing with a pencil. Scribbles that looked like I was working out some anger while arguing with someone on the phone. Scribbles and streaks and swirls. Swirls of madness, more like.

The other day, I was doodling with my 1-year-old daughter's crayons. These scribbles turned out okay, but still, they are what they are:


Thus, I have a confession to make. Instances where my paintbrush behaves, where form meets colour, where passion meets expression, are very occasional at best. I have a nice, satisfactory painting streak once every few months. I am coming clean with this confession so that you as a reader don't lose complete faith in this blog, and can be there with me to rejoice when my muse actually comes back after a very long drought. Maybe I can even get your help in praying with me so that I figure out this process thing eventually, like, before I leave this earth.

Thank you for your support. :)